Local Peace Group 
to Inaugurate a Bush 
-- A Real Bush, That is

BLOOMINGTON IL - On Thursday, January 20, at noon, on the steps of the old county courthouse, a local peace group will swear in a bush as the 44th President of the United States. 

Members of the Bloomington-Normal Citizens for Peace and Justice will gather on the steps of the old county court house with a podium a PA system, a teleprompter, and a bush. The bush will be wearing a tie. 

As the bush does not have the capacity to communicate, a speech will be made on its behalf. The inaugural speech is rumored to contain comparison of its record with that of the former president. 

The inaugural ceremony will begin -- without bunting or jets -- at 12:15pm on the dot. 

Security is reported to be low. But peace, love, goodwill and good-humor will be out in force. 

Said Gabriel Gudding, "This bush will do less harm and more good for the United States just standing in the dirt of the Rose Garden for the next four years than the previous president did in his disastrous term."